Self-Care Sounds a Lot of Like Work
/Can we pause for a sec and talk about the whole “self-care” hoopla that’s going on right now?
It’s definitely important, and not just during a global pandemic. But so many people focus on bubble baths and face masks that I wonder if they truly know what their self-care routine should look like day-to-day.
Glennon Doyle mentioned on one of her Morning Meetings the whole commercialization of “self-care” and focus on external care, and while I agree that the pampering of ourselves for external benefits and our appearance isn’t the only way to self-care, it’s not invalid. Glennon says this too, but hear me out.
The other day my friend Sam, an incredible Depression Coach I had the pleasure of working with 2 years ago and am now honored to call one of my friends, mentioned Rachel Hollis’ podcast and this idea of “hinge” habits.
Hinge habits are the non-negotiables that, if all else fails, will keep you grounded, healthy and sane.
For me (and Sam, ironically enough!) my hinge habits are sleep, meditation and eating 3 hot meals every day. There’s a part of me that wants to include movement in there as I’ve been walking my dogs two miles every night and I adore yoga, but truthfully, I can still have a good day without movement, but my days go downhill when I don’t eat, get enough sleep, or meditate.
While my hinge habits are TOP priorities every day and I still have days where I don’t fit in one or two, and occasionally even all three of them, more often than not these 3 habits are the foundation of all my days.
When I think about self-care habits as Glennon was talking about, like the connection to ourselves and “inner” work (or non-work because we need that too) I think about this chart I’ve been creating to hang on my wall and track my self-care habits.
You see, a bubble bath IS on my list of self-care habits. Not because it’s something that will especially help my outside appearance (other than my post-bath bliss face), or because it’s a luxury, but because as luxurious as it is, it’s a regular habit in my life and a way for me to show up and take care of myself.
My baths are no joke either. I’m ALL about the bubbles, bath bombs (usually from Soul CBD), Epsom salt, candles and sometimes even flower petals. It’s one of my favorite ways to connect with my body and just BE.
This made me think about the term “self-care,” which has been THE buzzword of the pandemic (in my opinion).
For many of us, our self-care routines weren’t strong enough to support us when this whole quarantine started so we’ve had to hustle to find a flow, and those two things completely contradict each other.
I kept thinking about how “self-care” always makes me think of “care” which, in the context of taking care of other people, sometimes can feel like work. Not that we don’t do it with love and gratitude, but I can’t be the only one who thinks about taking my dogs out all the time, and taking care of the people in my life as something I HAVE to do, even if I enjoy parts of it and love my dogs (and my people).
So making a chart with my “self-care habits” didn’t make me feel expansive and excited to show up and give myself gold stars. It made me feel like I was trying to keep up with some never-ending homework assignment! A homework assignment that, no matter how many gold stars I earned today, would start over tomorrow.
This made me stop and think. How can I reframe this? How can I get excited about taking care of myself?
As always, divine inspiration came through and the idea — What if this chart was about showing up and nourishing yourself? About loving yourself? — popped into my head.
Not simply “taking care” of myself, but truly showing up and honoring my body and the beautiful magic of everything she does?
My list of self-care habits became my “Show Up & Love My Body” tracker.
I have over 25 ways to nourish and take care of my body on this chart, and my goal is simply to have a 5-star day. And the beauty of this tracker is that it’s completely custom to me!
It includes ways to:
Play - like reading fiction, creating a TikTok video, painting & collaging
Rest - like meditating, getting 9 hours of sleep, & unplugging by 8pm
Digest - like using my neti pot, dry brushing, abhyanga (oil self-massage)
Reprogram - like using affirmations, mirror work and my routine box
Instead of stressing over trying to fit in all the little habits every single day, or trying to focus on one habit at a time (I KNOW that’s the #1 piece of advice at there on habit change), I focus on 5-star days. If I can do at least 5 things for my body today, and all 3 of my hinge habits count - sleep, meditation and eating 3 hot meals per day, that’s more than enough.
Do I hope that one day I will do most of the habits on this chart every day, sure. But is there any pressure on that day being today? Nope.
Because here’s the truth about self-care — your body is a freaking genius.
She knows what she needs, and if you start practicing asking her what she wants and needs, and then listen, you can do what is absolutely necessary for today to feel good, grounded, healthy and sane — and let the rest go.