Closer to Consciousness
/I’m reclaiming my life.
I’ve been wrapped in a series of shifts, seasons of life where I’ve felt like I was at the mercy of reacting to all the different demands on my time, energy, money, and capacity.
Where I felt like my life—my time—wasn’t truly my own, because I had to show up in a certain way in order to be GOOD. A good friend, a good contractor, a good coach, a good human.
But everything I’ve done—all the DOING—has made it feel impossible to truly BE. To embrace my word and intention for 2023 to lean into BEING.
Because even when I’m not working, I’m thinking about it. About what needs to get done in order to survive. In order to pay the next bill. In order to take the next step towards my future.
I have a hard time putting it down and making space in my brain and my days to live the life I’m building. To think, to play, to move my body, to enjoy the moment, to breathe.
I pulled a card today that says: “I do whatever it takes to get closer to consciousness”
This is from Gabby Bernstein’s deck “The Universe Has Your Back.”
I pulled this after I asked my guides what I needed to know to get through today and the next few weeks … to find my next right steps.
And the irony is, I thought I would pull a card that reminded me of my connection to a higher power – to the Universe. Not a card that specifically mentions DOING when I’m trying so hard to learn how to BE.
Then again, I don’t think I could’ve taken it seriously if it was a card telling me to rest or to trust the Universe. So this one was perfect.
A reminder that although we are always connected to something bigger—we’re apart of the universe after all—we still need to cultivate our practice. Our connection. Our faith that everything always works out.
We still need to DO the hard things.
So today I made a new list of how I want my days and weeks to go. Not a schedule really, because my inner teenager with ADHD would rebel against that before the ink had dried on the page.
But more so a sense of flow. My essentials to have a day—hopefully a good one—but at minimum a day where I take deeply supportive care of myself. Where I take care of the past, present, and future versions of me. Where I cultivate safety and sanity as much as I can.
And a set of guidelines to shape my days:
I don’t check work messages until I’ve logged on for the day.
I don’t check work messages after I’ve logged off for the day.
I work five hours a day max: four hours on client work, coaching, working on my business and school work – and then the fifth hour alternates between planning and reflection.
Three afternoons a week and Saturday mornings are for life tasks and three afternoons a week I log off after my five hours to have unplanned free time. (WTF is that?!)
Sundays are my day to be completely unplugged from the world. Sundays have always been a day off for me – for several years now. But to be truly unplugged for the whole day? That’s a much rarer occurrence.
That’s my plan for the next three months – until the end of September. Because I read somewhere that we can only truly envision a future version of ourselves 90 days out, so I’ll reevaluate then and see what’s working and what’s not.
So what about you dear reader? How do you make time for BEING versus DOING? I’d love to know.
