We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know

One of the most frustrating patterns I see on the internet is people telling other people to “Google it.”

This came up recently for me when I commented on a post asking why an Instagram page was using the term “womxn” instead of “women.”

A few years ago, I used this term in my own online marketing language, interchangeably with “womyn.”

Thankfully, I was called out by several people who told me that that kind of language was not inclusive, and was actually an indicator of TERF language, specifically dismissing transgender women and non-binary femmes.

At the time I dug into it immediately and removed both from my language. So when I saw a post using that term, I looked it up again and then posted a comment to ask why they were using it, and asked if that meant that they did not support transgender humans.

To be clear: the page was surrounding people of color, and I would never be disrespectful and try to speak over or correct a person of color over my own understanding.

Especially because I’m a white human, and I know that comes with privilege in this world, and I would never want to silence someone or disregard their knowledge or experience.

Note: this was a question about a word, not specific to any race, not a question about anything race-related.

After I asked my question, someone responded with a definition completely different than what I was expecting. I wrote back, letting them know that that was interesting to me particularly because I was called out and had done research on it a few years prior.

I looked it up again & then replied explaining my understanding, why I had asked the question, and then pointed out that perhaps my understanding was skewed, and that only the spelling with a Y was problematic.

I thanked them for sharing their knowledge and asked that if they had any specific resources, I would love to see them.

Another person commented in response to this message saying that it was “unfortunate” that I left a comment first without doing any research. And then that person also said instead of reflecting after I received an explanation, that I provided a rebuttal.

But I DID do my research when I was first called out, and again before I asked my question. So I didn’t understand why I was being shamed for explaining my understanding and admitting that I need to do more research.

The thing is – I’ve noticed that this is an overall trend. I completely understand when it comes to questions about racism and ALL race-related issues that it’s not fair to ask any one person of color to speak up or educate me on these issues.

And also — how is it helpful to dismiss people for asking questions or asking for resources?

When are we taught how to evaluate legitimate resources on the internet? After all, we’re all familiar with how easy it is to publish something without any legitimate sources. (Yikes!)

It’s similar to when someone says “Google it.” Sure, we have an encyclopedia’s worth of knowledge at our fingertips.

And also … we tend to learn better person to person,  being able to have open conversations with people who are different and who have different lived experiences and knowledge than us.

There’s a difference between asking someone to explain everything to you in detail or asking them to speak up for their entire race, versus asking a question or two, or to be pointed in the right direction.

We simply don’t know what we don’t know.

And telling someone to Google it, or shaming someone for asking questions, rather than helping them by saying “look at this article,” or “read this book,” or “Google this specifically,” doesn’t help either.

As someone who asks a lot of questions naturally, who is committed to communication and learning about people as well as social justice, this is difficult to navigate.

I have a lot more work to do around language and particularly around my own antiracism work—likely a lifetime of work just like I do when it comes to my traumas—so I’m choosing to remain hopeful.

Hopeful that in time we’ll see a change from shutting down other humans and shaming them to working together so that everyone can learn and grow.

After all, how can I be the best ally, the best advocate, the best facilitator when I try my best, and I’m willing to admit when I’m wrong, or when I misunderstand, and I’m still told not to speak up?

What about you, dear reader? How do you feel when someone tells you to “Google it?”