My Heart Hurts

Yesterday was a hard day. My job has an international community and audience, and with everything going on in the world around COVID-19 and now George Floyd’s death and the resulting riots, outcry and blatant racism in our country… Things blew up.

People got angry. People got hurt. People intending to educate were dismissive of anyone else’s opinions. People intending to advocate were told to sit down. And everyone - my team, my community, my nation - felt it.

Being an empath is one of my superpowers.

I love how natural it is for me to read the room, connect with someone on a deeper level and truly see people for how they feel - not just how they want everyone else to see them.

Being a highly sensitive person and an empath was confusing for most of my life. When I read Glennon Doyle’s book Love Warrior I realized that my sensitivities weren’t a bad thing — they were a gift.

What a miraculous skill to have, to connect to, cry with, support and deeply love my fellow humans.

But sometimes, it means that when the whole world is hurting, the weight of emotions that are not my own, of the collective pain of people of color due to the systemic oppression in the United States, it’s…

Well, it’s heavy.

As a white woman in America, I will not pretend to know everything - or anything - about the experience that the men and women of different skin tones go through every day in our country.

I will never have to fear the things they fear.

I will never have to worry about being judged, to paraphrase the great Martin Luther King Jr., by the color of my skin before the content of my character.

I will never know what it’s like to live in their skin, in their lives, in their reality.

But the things I’m seeing…

People being told that their feelings, their heartbreak and their actions in working to deconstruct this awful system are invalid?

Businesses being burnt down in the midst of a riot?

Racial slurs and hate being thrown out like confetti at a parade ALL over the internet?

Blatant disregard for the truth?

It’s heartbreaking. I’ve had to cry, dance, sleep and unplug more than once in the last few days and even if you’re not an empath like me, or a highly sensitive person, if you’re feeling this all deep in your heart, please know you are not alone in this.

This cannot keep happening. I understand that people will always have different opinions about politics, government, and how our country should be run.

But this isn’t a political issue. It’s a human rights issue. A human rights violation. And every day we stand by watching, or saying “it’s a shame” without taking action, we’re just as much a part of the problem.

So to my friends of all races and ethnicities, please know that I will do better. I will not take my privilege for granted. And even though my heart hurts so much it might burst today, I promise not to let it keep me home and shocked by the news.

My heart will be right there next to you, locking arms and speaking up and calling out anyone who thinks it’s okay to value any human’s life over another.

Black lives matter, and if you don’t agree with that you shouldn’t be reading my blog.

And if you immediately think “all lives matter,” you’ve missed the entire point.